


rough surf on the coast

by twinOrigins



Series: forever united here somehow [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, M/M, Makeup, Multi, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, Other, Pre-Slash, References to Abuse, Trans John Laurens, Transphobia, Transphobic parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 07:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10986483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinOrigins/pseuds/twinOrigins
Summary: John was being weird about this, he never got all closed off like he was now. "What's the problem, Laurens? A case of fragile masculinity?"John laughed, but there was no joy in the sound. "You could say that." His voice was hard as steel. "I'm trans,Hamilton. Makeup makes me dysphoric as fuck and I don't wear it now that I'm not expected to. I have a plethora of bad memories and associations connected to it."





	rough surf on the coast

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me!
> 
> This is not the second part in the series as far as time goes, I have several parts planned & this one is later on, but my brain is incapable of writing things in order and was randomly inspired to work on this piece instead of the second one, and I'm impatient so I'm posting it now

It was a lazy Saturday when they were all free--a somewhat rare occurrence--and Lafayette was pulling out their makeup, arranging it into neat piles and rows on the island between the kitchen and living room.

"Hey, Laf?" Hercules called from the couch.

"Hmm?"

"D'you think you could teach me some of," he gestured towards the makeup. "that stuff?"

They perked up and began clapping excitedly. "Yes, yes! I would love to. Come." They patted the bar stool beside them. "Sit and learn." Hercules ambled over and sat down gingerly.

He felt a bit self-conscious, the need to explain himself rising to the surface. "It seems cool to do people's makeup, I dunno. I've been interested in it lately."

"So you would like to learn for others, not yourself? The same rules apply but both ways take separate practice. You can be good at one and dreadful at the other."

"Yeah, I don't really care enough about it on me to get into that. It's just kind of like sewing. I get to create stuff, there's all these wild looks people do. I like it."

"Do not fret, my love. With practice, almost anyone can excel." They held up black eyeliner and snickered. "The eyeliner pen is mightier than the sword."

Alexander strolled into the kitchen just then, grabbing a water from the fridge, and he stopped when he saw the two of them. "Ohoho, what's this? Do I spy some fun?"

"Hercules has asked my help in getting better at doing makeup for others." Laf explained.

He took a swig of the water and then capped it and set it down. "Sign me up to be guinea pig. I'm ready for that on point cat eye." He struck a pose.

They looked him up and down. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not?"

They grinned at Herc. "This works out well! I instruct, you do, he gets prettied up and _sits still_." The last bit was directed to Alexander with menace underlying the words, they all knew of his penchant for fidgeting by now. None of them knew if it was from the dangerous amounts of coffee he consumed, or just a _thing_  of his. Either way, it wouldn't bode well for the finished look if it got out of hand.

He pulled a shorter chair beside the bar stools and plopped himself in it. "I'm ready to be beautiful."

"Aww, sweetie." Laf patted his cheek and smiled. "Not even makeup can help with that."

Alex glared at Herc when he snorted out a laugh, but there was no real heat behind it.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny."

They all quit joking around and settled in, quietly picking out products to use and the occasional tip being offered by Lafayette or a question being asked by Herc and Alex. After much deliberation, they'd decided that they would go with peachy tones, and Laf would do the right side of his face, while Hercules did the left.

When Alexander started getting twitchy he distracted himself by flirting with the two of them. "Not how I imagined having the undivided attention of you both, but I'll take it."

Lafayette's eyebrow twitched, but otherwise they showed no reaction.

Herc had been focused intently on his work, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth, but he paused at Alex's words. "What did you imagine?"

A mischievous grin. "You and Lafayette riveted by my wholesome discussion on our lord and savior, of course. Get your head out of the gutter."

Hercules shook his head, but he had a small smile, so Alex still counted it as a win.

Another ten minutes passed before Hercules stood up and stretched, his back cracking. "I gotta take a bathroom break, I'll be back."

"I am thirsty, good timing."

Alex shuffled back enough to let them go by, but stayed where he was. He searched for a mirror and peered into the small one he found. He gave a wolf whistle. "Okay, I look _good_."

Lafayette's voice came from behind the fridge door. "Do not mess with your face! We aren't done!"

He rolled his eyes at their stern tone but listened nonetheless, choosing to play with the hem of his shirt instead. He sat up when he thought of John being missing from their festivities.

"HEY, LAURENS!" He called out.

There was a loud whack as Laf hit their head on the fridge from being startled and they yelled, "Fuck!"

John walked into the room, observing everything with a look of practiced calm. "Yes?"

"We're doing makeup!" Alex spread his arms to draw attention to the makeup surrounding him.

"Okay..."

"Sit down, you can get yours done too!"

"Uh, no thanks." John went to turn around, but Alex kept talking.

"No, really, its been a lot of fun. They know what they're doing. Well, Herc has just started learning, but he's still good."

"I don't want to." He said, a little more force in his voice this time.

"Alex, it is no problem. Drop it." Lafayette warned, watching the proceedings with a bit of worry.

Alexander's eyes only narrowed in response. John was being weird about this, he never got all closed off like he was now. "What's the problem, Laurens? A case of fragile masculinity?"

John laughed, but there was no joy in the sound. "You could say that." His voice was hard as steel. "I'm trans, _Hamilton_. Makeup makes me dysphoric as fuck and I don't wear it now that I'm not expected to. I have a plethora of bad memories and associations connected to it." He whirled around and strode out of the room.

Alex was staring at the spot he'd left from. He threw his head down into his hands, his next words coming out muffled. "I really fucked up."

Lafayette laid a hand on his shoulder. "Yes. But you can fix this. Go talk to him," they urged.

He nodded. "Right. Right, yeah, I'll go do that." He groaned and stood up, noticing belatedly the makeup on his hands. "Oh, shit, I ruined yours and Herc's work. I'm sorry."

Laf smiled gently. "No worries. We can resume another time. Save your apologies for the one who needs them more than I."

"Can you explain what happened to Herc when he gets back? I don't want him thinking I just up and left."

"Of course."

He found John sitting by the tree in front of their building, knees up to his chest with his chin resting on them. Alexander went over to him gingerly, settling down beside him a short distance away, close enough they could talk but with enough space that he didn't feel he was bothering him more than he already had.

He broke the silence first. "You're trans?"

"Yep." He popped the p.

"I'm kind of confused. I mean, no offense and all, but how did you pay to transition? You're a broke college kid same as all of us...right? You're not secretly rich, are you?"

John lifted his head up. "I, ah...used my fathers money?" It came out a bit sheepishly, but there was a spark of defiance in his eyes. "He'd saved up a fair amount to get me through college, and when he gave it to me I instead went and spent it all on doctors appointments, T, top surgery. He was not exactly supportive. When I went to tell him I'd used the money and would work my way through college instead, he went into a rage."

His voice had gone hollow. "He beat me. Called me vile names and slurs, said he was disowning me. Nothing new, but this time was worse. I guess I was lucky my chest had time to heal some before then, because I barely had the money for the hospital bills, there's no way I could've had another surgery to fix anything he'd fucked up. I got a restraining order against him, actually? I think most people would be appalled if I told them I had a restraining order on my own father, or at least expect me to be sad over it. But I'm not. If anything, I guess I'm relieved. It's over." He let out a shuddering breath and looked over. "It's not something you bring up over dinner."

"Do Herc and Laf know about this?" His voice came out soft.

"They know I'm trans. They know my dad is a piece of shit and that we don't talk. _Why_  we don't talk, for the most part. They've come to know a lot over our friendship, but. I don't go into detail, not with anyone. It's in my past for good, now, I want it to stay there. He used to have such a hold over movie, I felt fearful even when I wasn't around him. He got in my head."

Alex was silent for a few seconds, running things over in his head, trying to figure out what would be the best thing to say. "I'm sorry for pushing you. I just--I thought you were being a douchebag about it. Which is so dumb, now that I think about it. Your roommate and best friend is nonbinary, and I've never seen you even remotely have an issue. I didn't think it through, and I'm sorry."

John gave him a small smile. "I appreciate the sentiment behind you getting all huffy. It's nice to know you'll stand up for things like that. They matter. And I'm not trying to fall into toxic masculinity bullshit, I swear. It's just not something for me. There might be, like, some leftover crap from how I was raised that makes me uncomfortable with it. Being forced to wear it a lot didn't help improve my opinion of it at all. But I don't mind anyone else wearing it that wants to." He took his thumb and rubbed off an eyeshadow smudge that had gotten on Alex's temple. "You're pretty in it."

Alex smiled and tilted his head back, looking up at the sky. "Not everyone wants to wear it, even jokingly. I gotta start being a little less hotheaded."

Laurens raised his eyebrows. "You don't say?"

Alexander shoved him over with a good-natured grin, and John threw an arm over his shoulder, tugging him to sit closer.


End file.
